Rent-A-Felon, Keeping Your Kids In Line Since 1999

America, your children are pissing me off. This is the nation's future, do you people fucking realize this? As you look around, make sure to take it all in. When you finally attain the coveted status of Senior Citizen, these children are going to be adults. They're also the ones whom are going to be taking care of old wrinkled carcass.

Why the fuck can you not discipline your kids? The world of entertainment has been making whole fucking talk shows out of this for almost decades now. What the fuck is wrong with you people whom are parents? If I'm in the fucking grocery store and trying to shop for the latest MSG laden contribution to my diet, why the fuck are your kids bumping into me with a shopping cart? Why the fuck are your kids bitching over a $2.00 fucking toy? I can't deal with this shit. What is so fucking hard about bitchslapping your child? There should be no fucking reason for your snot nosed fuckery of spawn to cause me hardships. Tell ya what Internet, if you can't take care of your kids; don't keep fucking. Stop procreating and pack it in. I will not have a child whom will run from me, I will break his/her ankle. I will not have a child that has outbursts in the half full of shit aisle at the fucking store. If this aforementioned situation occurs, said child will taste the back of my fucking hand!

Better yet, I have a proposal. we'll just pay inmates to discipline your children. We'll just turn them over to felons and the likes so atleast this way they can receive a proper bitchslap across their fucking foreheads when they misbehave. We'll enlist the help of all the prisons nationwide. We'll make sure they have only the healthiest inmates on the job so as to better chase your fucking kids around.

We'll pay the inmate/workforce without using money appropriated from your tax dollars, seeing as how the fucking government couldn't make use of this money anyway. We'll call it Rent-A-Felon. At any time you may consult the aid of Rent-A-Felon. Upon a consultation, San Quentin or whatever fucking over populated shithole of a prison will then send you your very own inmate to babysit and discipline your child. After all, if you can't fucking tell your child the differences between yes or no, or right and wrong, then they're going to become criminals or politicians anyway. Why not get them started early? Seeing as we're not going to pay the inmate/babysitters with cash, we'll just pay them with their standard prison currency. So as when the inmate leaves your house and your child has a palm shaped bruise on their foreheads, the inmates can then go back to their cell block and buy a shiny new shank.

There couldn't be a better set-up for this. You as parents don't do jack shit once more. Your child will finally learn to cower in fear, and inmates can smoke a pack a day easy. Everybody wins except for your child, well, because you're a shitty parent. Stop having fucking kids if you can't take care of them! If your fucking snot nosed brat gets out of line, reach back and pull out some discipline in the form of your hand across their face. You have a voice for a reason, it is so that you may shake the fucking walls upon your offspring refusing to toe the line... Fuck your time outs and support groups. Fuck your therapy sessions. Stop administering Ritalin every time some dumbass kid farts and looks at you funny. It's called parenting, go on Internet. Give it a try.