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God Hates Harry Potter
Internet, I will bitch slap you if you watch Harry Potter and The Order of Phoenix. I will douse your first born in gasoline and toss a match if you pay your hard earned currency to see this cinematic abortion. There is not one fucking point to validate any of these movies. These nightmares of cinema do nothing but make three children look affably pathetic... Internet, do you realize the entire cast of all the Harry Potter movies hails from London, France, and England? Yes, America, by shelling out your pay check to sit through three hours of this trauma you've gotten to do nothing but watch the French miss their mark and stumble through a shitty script again and again. This is about as awesome as wiping your ass with a branding iron... It's fucking laughable. These movies do nothing but suck. The Harry Potter series is slowly gaining steam in taking the place of the grotesque Lord Of The Rings Trilogy. This entire fucking series and millions of dollars could have been saved had little Harry just picked up a shotgun 30 seconds into the first movie and put 2 slugs in Voldemort's pale little boy chest.
These 3 hour long nausea inducing comas are nothing but poorly made rip-offs. They're not even remotely close in imitation to their lame ass paperback versions written by J.K. Rowling. Not to mention J.K. Rowling is a middle aged freak who's face appears to have been wiped down with cosmetic sealant and sandpaper. This woman has done nothing in her life worthy of honorable mention, but write these fucking novels. Because of this, you people have seen fit that this woman has Dinosaurs and fucking Asteroids named after her. You have got to be fucking with me? Do I really live in a country in which some pale faced basement dwelling hag whom was unemployed for nearly three decades of her life can get a dinosaur named after her? This is a fucking mockery to decent authors and publishers alike. Rowling has been featured in numerous magazines and has even been accredited with being one of the wealthiest people in the world. Rowling is now a billionaire thanks to the fact that she licensed her mediocre work to Hollywood. All of this so Hollywood can make it out of the red from all of their movie re-make tragedies. Internet by letting a girl devoid of tits, a ginger kid, and an English douchebag take to the big screen you have done nothing but confirm my suspicions that Hollywood will continue in it's downward spiral.
The only fucking thing I hate more than these movies is the fucking cast of these movies. Daniel Radcliffe plays Harry Potter. This kid is a fucking loser. He does nothing worthwhile, but try to use his inexperience to make his way into English Theater. I wish I was kidding. The last fucking project this moron was allowed to act in starred him running around without a shirt saying ridiculous shit from the Shakespearean era. Internet, this fuckstick belongs on a float in the Puerto Rican Day Parade, To make things worse, Hollywood had to throw a Ginger Kid into the fucking mix. Rupert Grint, who plays Ron, does nothing but infuriate me. Before this fucking firecrotch entered mainstream Hollywood, the only role he had ever had involved playing a fish in a school's rendition of Noah's Ark. Can this get anymore fucking preposterous? The only fucking highlight in all of this is the hope that one day Emma Watson who plays Hermoine, will sprout a large pair of breasts and be featured in Playboy with a set of fake tits. The entire cast of these films has signed on to do another two films after Order of The Phoenix. America, we can look forward to Harry Potter films all the way into the year, 2010. Harry Potter for these three fucking kids, is going to become what Saved by the Bell was to Dustin Diamond, Elizabeth Berkley, and Mario Lopez. Internet, If I were to one day contract testicular cancer, I would do nothing but plead to with the Make-A-Wish Foundation to throw the cast of Harry Potter into a locked room with Michael Jackson.
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