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"No Girl Scout Cookies In Iraq"
Internet, I'm sure most of you are aware there is a war going on. There has been a war going on for quite some time. However, this is probably the only war the United States has fought in which I believe makes no sense what so fucking ever. Soldiers pay dearly with their lives each and every day, and for those of you who have served or know someone who has served / is serving in our military; you know that this is not what they signed up for. Military recruiters are brazenly full of shit. To the point I have to take my trusty Benadryl so as not to develop an allergy to all of this Bullshit when I go anywhere populated with individuals in the 18-25 age category.
 I understand people have signed contracts to fight for our country, but not for things so utterly fucking stupid. Iraq, because of you, I will no longer be letting girl scouts over-seas to go from door to door with their delectable girl scout cookies. This may not be primarily Iraq's fault. Iraq is a country that was founded on stupid, I can attest to this fact, as I have been there. However, if you were to have assailants kick in your door and demand your television set, you would do what most people would do, Internet. You would head butt them in their fucking skulls until they caved in and kick them repeatedly whilst clinging to your television set for dear fucking life. America, today we are those fucking assailants, and Iraq, well they're just plain pissed. Where the fuck did those Weapons of Mass Destruction turn up anyway? Behind the outhouse?
Iraq isn't a small country by far, but seriously, in terms of defense, Iraq could only fill a 10th of what the United State could allocate if this country as a whole seriously felt threatened. Here, let me break Iraq down for you with this image from your basic Encyclopedia...
Yes, Internet, Iraq is basically just like fucking that. Don't you ever sit and wonder as to why the fuck it's taking so long to get our troops out of there and think how we should just leave those fucking pygmies alone? Has this thought never crossed your mind? Internet, war is alot of things. It's deadly, it's terrifying, it's revolutionary, and most of all; it's fucking expensive. The money is what is keeping us there! This fact alone is what is destroying our fixed incomes every single month. It's what's driving us to pay 3+ dollars for a gallon of gas. It's what's driving us to inflate everything at a phenomenal rate. (You can also partially blame G.W., mainly because he performs fellatio on the Electoral College day after day to stay in the White House.) If this shit keeps going on for a few more years, we could seriously be in jeopardy. We have already taken away their girl scout cookies and they continue to fight us. Internet, the only thing I believe worth fighting for anymore in this god awful fucking country is Gas Prices. Because of this fucking war, we're doing nothing but taking it in the ass. Don't believe me? See for youself.
So Iraqi People, until you agree to stop this stupid redundant shit, there will be no girl scout cookies in Iraq until further notice.
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